CSUN On Point

Dating apps have become huge over the last few years, and they really have changed the culture. Many say it is easier to find matches and love through online dating, rather than having to meet someone in person, especially in the age of the MeToo movement. People who don’t have time and money to go out can save so much time and effort. However, some people lie and exaggerate on their online dating bios, so some feel it can be hard to trust online daters.

“[Dating apps] really broaden the spectrum for what’s possible for people,” dating and relationship expert Jenna Ponaman said. “You know that the dating world is no longer about what is just in your community…There literally are an infinite amount of possibilities, so that’s really great. It promotes interracial marriages and couples… and it’s really a place where people can feel a little more courageous about what kind of person they want to be, or how they can express themselves.”

But Ponaman also said these apps may allow people to think that they don’t have to settle down or look for serious relationships. “People think, ‘well, I can be so brave, and I can also be so frivolous’,” she said, “‘and I don’t have to commit to anything if I don’t want to’… [Scrolling through dating apps] is really no different than flipping through a magazine, shopping for a shirt.”

Online dating can also be a quick way to make sexual transactions only, rather than taking the time to develop intimacy and love. Tinder is a popular app for this specific reason, but those who want more may have to put in more effort.

“People are still not building their relationship skills,” Parc Foundation counselor and instructor Kasey Carter said. “People aren’t asking the right questions before they express their interests. [For example,] do you know what their values are from their dating profile? Probably not. Do you know how they treat a waiter or a waitress? Because that shows you a lot about their character…You do know they like hiking, they do yoga, they are trying to be a vegan, and that they love their dog. [That’s good information], but that doesn’t help you have a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling.”

Lying has been an issue for online dating since it started. “Cat-fishing” is a problem on online dating sites around the world, and experts advise users to be very careful. But many people exaggerate about their age, profession, hobbies, ethnicity, height and accomplishments. Even users who aren’t criminals may not present themselves truly, or show who they really are.

“I’m all about honesty and authenticity,” psychotherapist and author Kelli Miller said. “I will have some clients who will put up photos from ten years ago. [I tell them] that’s not going to work, because then you’re setting yourself up [for disappointment]. I’m all about just being honest and upfront. If you have kids, say you have kids. Don’t hide it.”

Dating experts said dependency on cell phones and online technology may prevent two people from have a true connection. Relationships are about meeting, not chatting online. Cell phones may cause people to go out less, and some people don’t know how to interact, or how to approach strangers, without seeming sexist or creepy. The younger generation, in this new cell phone era, may not have developed proper manners, which are key to starting successful relationships. But Miller said even a phone call is better than judging someone only from an online dating profile.

Ponaman said she encourages her clients to go on several dates with people they meet online, to try to get to know them. She said people should experiment, and learn to look for partners with the traits they want. They should not just go out on dates because they matched with someone online, and then feel like they have to become attached to them immediately.

Miller, Ponaman and Carter all stressed that people must love themselves first, before they can love another.

“As a coach, I would encourage men and women to date more,” Ponaman said, “and that can be whatever they interpret it to be. But the reason for this is when we isolate to one person, we do get attached a lot faster and lot more, [but only] on that superficial plane. Whereas, if you have other options, you feel a little more free to say ‘well, if there are a few things I don’t like about this person, then that is okay, because I can do more research, with these other people, because I still have other options’.”

Moderator: Mareo Ahmir Lawson

Producer: Leslie Estrada

Anchor: Emmanuelle Roumain

Social Media Editor: Rudy Aguado

Reporters: Rudy Aguado, Leslie Estrada, Mareo Ahmir Lawson, Matt Roth and Emmanuelle Roumain

Moderator: Jade Davis

Producer: Sammy Shaktah

Anchor: Daniel Martindale

Social Media Editor: Jiani Navarro

Reporters: Jade Davis, Kaylee Kealani, Daniel Martindale, Jiani Navarro and Sammy Shaktah

Our movies and literature characterize love as being one of life’s greatest achievements.

But although millions have tried, true love is notoriously hard to define.

“I think that love can not have a real good definition because it means so many different things to so many different people,” psychologist and author Dr. Andrew Yellen said.

“I think it’s just a feeling between two people that is indescribable,” said Yellen. “When you’re in love, you know it.”

Experts say it’s important to have realistic expectations about a healthy and happy relationship, and marriage.

“Emotions change, they intensify, they weaken, and they come and go,” Bishop Cecil Richardson said, of the Lighthouse Light of the World Christian Ministries. “I think in order to truly come into a love relationship, we have other things and other components in play.”

Richardson says learning to love oneself, and knowing what one wants in a long-term partner, will help find someone compatible.

“A lot of [the] time, singles confuse sex with love,” radio personality and author Erin Tillman said. Tillman writes a blog as ‘The Dating Advice Girl’.

“There’s intense feelings that happen [when people have] any sort of intimacy,” she said. “I do encourage people to try not to get too intimate too early on because those feeling can be interpreted as love.”

Understanding the difference between lust and love can influence the decisions individuals make, Tillman said. There’s a big difference between infatuation and falling in love, and it’s important to recognize that.

“Often times your emotions over-rule your reasoning and you make poor choices,” Richardson said. “[When] you’re following emotion, you’re not following your reasoning.”

“Sometimes we’re so on a path [with] the end goal of marriage, or a ring, [that] we over look the person,” Tillman said.

According to a 2015 Pew Research study, nearly nine-in-ten Americans are online and almost half know someone who uses online dating, or who has met a spouse or partner via online dating.

“There’s not one right way, or wrong way to meet somebody,” Tillman said. “Online dating and dating apps are not going away, so it’s a very realistic thing that should not be ignored because people of all ages are using them.”

Social networking sites are now playing a integral role when it comes to relationships in a digital era. Attitudes towards online dating have become more positive and widely accepted. More and more people are choosing to be matched up based on what makes them compatible with other people.

“Our app, called the ‘Love Shopping List,’ does exactly that,” Yellen said. “One of the things I emphasize with couples and singles is that [you] need to understand what you’re looking for.”

But experts agree that although meeting someone compatible can be difficult, it’s the challenges faced after a relationship begins that tests its strength the most.

“When you have individuals as a couple who can grow together, you have a energy that continues to grow, and both [will] benefit from it,” Yellen said.

“Love is work, and if you’re not willing to work, you’re not going to have love,” Richardson said. “People [say] they want love, but they’re not willing to put in the work.”

“Whether it’s transgender, or LGBT, or whatever it [might be], it’s a relationship,” Yellen said. “And the thing we do most as human beings is have relationships.”

Moderator: Sarina Sandoval

Anchor: Daisy Lightfoot

Producer: Sarina Sandoval

Reporters: Jon Gripe, Ashley Horton, Andrew Pitters and Sarina Sandoval

Social Media Editor: Ashley Horton

Online dating is changing the way people create and develop relationships.

“You need to have a profile on more than one dating site, and be diligent about it, just like you would if you were looking for a job,” Spira said. “Understand it’s a numbers game, and get back out there and go on more dates, because the more dates you go on, the better dater you become.”

Moderator: Aleksandar Milojkovich

Anchor and Reporter: Evanne Robinson

Digital Content Editors: Esmi Careaga, Dylan Connolly and Natalie Palacios

Producer: Jennifer Rufer