CSUN On Point

Dating apps have become huge over the last few years, and they really have changed the culture. Many say it is easier to find matches and love through online dating, rather than having to meet someone in person, especially in the age of the MeToo movement. People who don’t have time and money to go out can save so much time and effort. However, some people lie and exaggerate on their online dating bios, so some feel it can be hard to trust online daters.

“[Dating apps] really broaden the spectrum for what’s possible for people,” dating and relationship expert Jenna Ponaman said. “You know that the dating world is no longer about what is just in your community…There literally are an infinite amount of possibilities, so that’s really great. It promotes interracial marriages and couples… and it’s really a place where people can feel a little more courageous about what kind of person they want to be, or how they can express themselves.”

But Ponaman also said these apps may allow people to think that they don’t have to settle down or look for serious relationships. “People think, ‘well, I can be so brave, and I can also be so frivolous’,” she said, “‘and I don’t have to commit to anything if I don’t want to’… [Scrolling through dating apps] is really no different than flipping through a magazine, shopping for a shirt.”

Online dating can also be a quick way to make sexual transactions only, rather than taking the time to develop intimacy and love. Tinder is a popular app for this specific reason, but those who want more may have to put in more effort.

“People are still not building their relationship skills,” Parc Foundation counselor and instructor Kasey Carter said. “People aren’t asking the right questions before they express their interests. [For example,] do you know what their values are from their dating profile? Probably not. Do you know how they treat a waiter or a waitress? Because that shows you a lot about their character…You do know they like hiking, they do yoga, they are trying to be a vegan, and that they love their dog. [That’s good information], but that doesn’t help you have a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling.”

Lying has been an issue for online dating since it started. “Cat-fishing” is a problem on online dating sites around the world, and experts advise users to be very careful. But many people exaggerate about their age, profession, hobbies, ethnicity, height and accomplishments. Even users who aren’t criminals may not present themselves truly, or show who they really are.

“I’m all about honesty and authenticity,” psychotherapist and author Kelli Miller said. “I will have some clients who will put up photos from ten years ago. [I tell them] that’s not going to work, because then you’re setting yourself up [for disappointment]. I’m all about just being honest and upfront. If you have kids, say you have kids. Don’t hide it.”

Dating experts said dependency on cell phones and online technology may prevent two people from have a true connection. Relationships are about meeting, not chatting online. Cell phones may cause people to go out less, and some people don’t know how to interact, or how to approach strangers, without seeming sexist or creepy. The younger generation, in this new cell phone era, may not have developed proper manners, which are key to starting successful relationships. But Miller said even a phone call is better than judging someone only from an online dating profile.

Ponaman said she encourages her clients to go on several dates with people they meet online, to try to get to know them. She said people should experiment, and learn to look for partners with the traits they want. They should not just go out on dates because they matched with someone online, and then feel like they have to become attached to them immediately.

Miller, Ponaman and Carter all stressed that people must love themselves first, before they can love another.

“As a coach, I would encourage men and women to date more,” Ponaman said, “and that can be whatever they interpret it to be. But the reason for this is when we isolate to one person, we do get attached a lot faster and lot more, [but only] on that superficial plane. Whereas, if you have other options, you feel a little more free to say ‘well, if there are a few things I don’t like about this person, then that is okay, because I can do more research, with these other people, because I still have other options’.”

Moderator: Mareo Ahmir Lawson

Producer: Leslie Estrada

Anchor: Emmanuelle Roumain

Social Media Editor: Rudy Aguado

Reporters: Rudy Aguado, Leslie Estrada, Mareo Ahmir Lawson, Matt Roth and Emmanuelle Roumain

The Pew Research Center says approximately one-quarter of all veterans say its difficult to transition from military life to civilian life, and nearly half the veterans who served after the September 11 attacks say their adjustment has been difficult.

About 700 veterans attend CSUN. CSUN Veterans Affairs Coordinators Vanessa Ochoa and Noe Aguirre said there are plenty of veterans resources on campus. “We process applications, transcripts, do the evaluations, and they [veterans] make the decisions,” Aguirre said. “We’ve also been given the flexibility. If we need to make any exceptions [for admissions], we’ll go ahead and do that.”

Aguirre said one of the difficulties in providing services to help, is that many veterans and active duty military are so used to following orders that sometimes it is difficult for them to “accept their own decisions.” She described it as a form of brainwashing, caused by years in the service.

Dr. Abram Milton served in the United States Marine Corps for 23 years before retiring in 2016. He’s now a clinical psychologist at CSUN’s University Counseling Center.

“The transition services [personnel] they had back then weren’t as familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as they are now,” Milton said. “A lot of the time, what we see in individuals is that they may have a traumatic experience that could be combat related, or even [from something like] a traffic accident,” Milton said. “When you are coming out of combat areas, there are [now] psychologists or many health professionals who help with PTSD.”

Veteran  and CSUN student Kevin Ogletree said he joined the military to follow a family tradition. Both his parents also served. Ogletree was in the U.S Army and the U.S Marine Corps for a total of seven years. He said his transition to civilian life was difficult. He didn’t have a good enough support system, and he had to drop out of his first attempt at college life. “It wasn’t until years later, now I have matured in life experiences, and I was able to come back to school in a better state of mind.”

Robert Graves, of Disabled American Veterans Department of California, said those who have spent years in the military don’t always know what life is like after the military. “When you leave the military itself, you leave behind your network of knowledge” Graves said. “When veterans with disabilities come out of the military, they don’t know how that will affect their placement in jobs, how they study in college, or how to reintegrate with their friends or their families.”

He said transitioning is a never-ending process.

Moderators: Leslie Estrada and Emmanuelle Yang

Producer: Mareo Ahmir Lawson

Anchor: Matt Roth

Reporters: Rudy Aguado, Leslie Estrada, Mareo Ahmir Lawson, Matt Roth and Emmanuelle Yang